This article was inspired by Jay Bilas’s book, Toughness. I highly recommend it.
People often say that only the individual truly determines belief in themselves. Ultimately this is the truth — in the end, when the game is on the line you must have an unwavering confidence to make the right play. However, I’ve come to realize there is a debate on whether or not this self belief and sense of confidence comes directly from inside the mind of the person.
Do you have to believe in yourself first or does someone need to show it to you before you will actually start to internalize what you could become? Until you actually trust your skills, you will never make it. I truly believe many times others can see the greatness in someone else. They can see past the mistakes, through their flaws and can see their potential.
While the “final say” has to do with you, I think it is 99% of the time ignited by someone or something else. Either visualizing someone else be successful from the same situation you came from — maybe your neighborhood or your high school basketball program — or saying the right words at the right time.
Ignition
In Daniel Coyle’s excellent book, The Talent Code, he calls this Ignition. If you are in 7th grade and see a player from your high school team go on to play college basketball, you might start to think “If he can do it, why can’t I?” We come from the same place, go to the same school, and I will have the same coaches. If he can do it, I can too. This is exactly the feeling I got when watching our High School win back-to-back State Championships when I was in 7th and 8th grade and, saw the best player go on to play in college.
Jay Bilas tells a story in his recent book, Toughness, a must read for coaches and parents. After his sophomore year in high school he was scheduled to have his wisdom teeth removed the 2nd day of the USA Olympic development team tryouts in Los Angeles, attracting some of the best players in the area. His dad encouraged him to at least attend the first day of tryouts, knowing he wouldn’t be able to make it the second day.
According to Bilas, he showed up, played hard and “certainly hadn’t embarrassed myself, which was my only real goal.” Leaving the gym, a legendary writer in the Southern California high school basketball community, said to Bilas, “See you tomorrow.” As Bilas explained to him that he wouldn’t be able to make it because of his appointment, the writer turned to his dad and said “You might want to reschedule that appointment . Your son was the best player in the gym today”. Bilas claims this was the most powerful moment in his basketball career and helped develop his belief in himself. Yes, ultimately, it came from him, but it was ignited from someone else.
Would this statement been powerful and long lasting if Bilas hadn’t been a relentless worker and deserved success? Most likely not. That is where false confidence can come into play — a real problem and possibly a story for a different time.
Another example from the 2012-13 NBA season is the shooting performances of Klay Thompson and Steph Curry. Jon Berry commented in a playoff game that “ Mark Jackson’s confidence in their ability has such an impact on their game”. Berry stated,”he says they are 2 of the best shooters in the history of the game.. Even if he doesn’t really believe it he gets them to believe it.” Again, without hours and hours in the gym would this be the case? Probably not.
You have to push yourself, but…
You can never push yourself as far as you need to on your own. People are always pushed to new levels. That’s why there are teachers, coaches and leaders. Thats why Kobe Bryant has a personal coach beyond what the Lakers offer. Its why CEOs have business coaches. Players aren’t going to push through those extra sprints if they don’t actually believe they can do it. As a coach, you can push them through, so eventually they believe on their own.
Dave MacArthur was a huge mentor to me and used to work me out in the off-season at his Colby High School gym. He did it for the sheer love of individual instruction and I will never forget a few of the workouts we did after my senior year in high school. He pushed me so hard that I thought I was going to black out. I would have never been able to get to that level on my own, but because he pushed me, because he made me believe I could fight through the last drills – I WAS able to do this on my own when I got to college. And when other guys had never been pushed that far before, it made the 30 suicides in 35 minutes for preseason conditioning, a little more bearable.
True Confidence
There are a lot of things that go into developing true confidence. You must work hard enough to truly deserve success and BELIEVE that you deserve success. You need to be aware of the thousands of thoughts that go through your mind each day. And, begin to control them – changing them to be positive. In the end — yes it’s on the individual player to internalize these beliefs, but if you’re a coach or mentor, you might be the catalyst.